Hey Barack! Instead of Hitting Balls, Try Growing Some!

It's not common for me to discuss politics in Barbie World, however today I'll make an exception.  I am so embarrassed for our government and our country at the moment. 

ObamaCare is a disaster and I'm assuming it is only going to get worse.  Political parties are playing the blame game and fires are being started, all the while our President had a leisurely Saturday hitting balls at a golf course in Virginia.  Hope we didn't interrupt you, sir!

Obama looks like a fool.  He thinks that ObamaCare is the answer to all of our problems, when in reality it's only causing more.  It's an open door for endless fraud and endless questions.

Today this "affordable health care act" is supposed to go into effect, but coincidentally all of the websites are having "difficulty".  Oh and our government is shut down... Looking good Congress, looking good.

Obama's probably getting a mani pedi combo right now because he's so stressed out after making empty threats in the matter of Syria.  He needs to pull it together or get out of dodge.

Maybe we should just say screw it.  The Republicans should just back off and let Obama's lack of genius blow up in his face for all the world to see.

Time for a woman President...preferably a blonde. 

So Blessed

Life is about the simple things. I'm blessed to be alive, to be healthy, to have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, and friends that stand by me no matter what. I was never thankful before because I was blinded by misery. Most recently I wake up happier than I was the day before- every single day. Live, love, and God bless. Life is good and I have never felt so amazing.  A huge thanks to you all and please don't get caught up. It's the simplicity in life, trust.

This Is To All of You.... We Love You Zack

Life just isn't fair.  People don't deserve to die, others don't deserve to lose them, and those of us that are left become broken down through the course of time because these voids in our hearts will never be filled. 

Reading the Palm Beach Post this morning when I arrived at the office was just the same as I begin every other work day.  I read an article about a crash on Glades late the night before in which one person had been killed and scrolled onto the next article.  When I got the phone call two hours later, I couldn't accept that the article was about our very own Zack.

I'm at a loss for words just like everybody else.  Part of me still can't believe it's true.  The pain in my heart is wrenching.  To put it simply, we lost a great one today and we all know that.

Zack affected each of us in his very own way.  Anybody who knew Zack has stories about times with him that never get old.  We all have some great memories that we must cherish because a person as special and irreplacable as him is undoubtedly impossible to forget.  This world will not be the same without him, none of our worlds will ever be the same.

I know my words are generic, but there are no words that could do him justice.  His mind, heart, personality and smile were too big for most people to handle in this world.  We all accepted him and embraced Zack's qualities that others thought were borderline nuts, because that's just how he was and that's why we loved him.   

He brought a lot of us together; a lot of you I would have never befriended otherwise.  He turned us from strangers to friends, and from friends to family.  We are all in different states, living different lives, and were parts of his life at different times and phases, but we all have something amazing in common.  Zack was the glue to keep all of us together.  This is not a time for us to "move forward"- Zack never moved forward without taking all of us with him.

We can't sweat the small stuff.  We need to be good to each other.  A lot of friendships and relationships have been damaged amongst this general group I'm speaking to.  It's time for all of us, myself included, to grow up and be strong right now.  We have always had each other's backs when things went wrong and this is definitely not the time to stop.  Pick your heads up.  Support Josh.  Tell everyone you know the crazy stories about times with Zack.  I couldn't help but smile even though I was gushing tears today whenever I would think about him or talk about him with Rocky.  We have all done some crazy shit, some of the best times in my life thus far were spent with this crew.

I wish we could bring him back, I wish this wasn't happening- but it is.  We won't "grieve and get on with our lives," like people say to do when they lose somebody.  We will live like Zack is still here.  Laugh often, smile at the authorities when you're in trouble, take care of each other, and most importantly never quit.  Go hard, bastards.
 



 

 

Cause looking for heaven, Found the devil in me

An ode to Florence and the Machine.... The hot and scalding water feels so relaxing as the sound of "Shake it Out" streams from my cell phone in the steamy shower. Scrubbing the Nexus shampoo that smells of coconut into my hair amongst the steam, I snap out of it when I hear her say, "cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me." On a daily basis we strive for happiness, want to be loved, search for appreciation, and try to sustain dignity all at once. However, every night as I lay my head I feel unaccomplished, insignificant, and unfulfilled. Working two jobs in high school, sacrificing sleep, sacrificing love, (then and now,) I thought I was reaching my personal heaven... But I only found the devil in me. I thought if I could better myself and my own life than I could better the lives of those around me. Looking back I realize that's not what I wanted at all, I THOUGHT I was doing it for them, but my selfishness overcame me. Now I'm left with little to what I started with.... Right back to square one. Regardless of love, dignity or selflessness, do yourselves a favor... Recognize during every action you partake in who you're REALLY doing it for. I could desert my blood, my family, my first love, and my hometown since birth for something I didn't even know existed. I believed the grass was greener on the other side, but that's not always the case. These days I may consider trading in my star-studded, beautiful, exotic, and exciting life for another day in Rutland, Vermont. Days where I would laugh so hard it would make me cramp during soccer practice with my best friend Melanie, talk about colleges and our futures with my best friend Naomi, or look to the love of my life and his parents for guidance- I have a fabulous life today, but it could never compare to my previous one. We used to look down upon females our age until we were blessed with Selene Ross. I thought college and careers were out of reach until Melanie and Jake made it, who I love SO much and I'm SO proud of! My life may seem fabulous, buy it's empty without those people. Some in my hometown envy me and are excited to hear of the celebrities I meet, the concerts I attend and the parties I go to, but 9 times out of 10 I wish I were nowhere but back in high school in Vermont.... You'll never know until you explore both worlds. I have regrets. I've loved and lost. I've learned. I've grown. I'm happy, but I've also found the devil in me. Take chances- find the person that truly appreciates and loves you, make a difference in the world, make yourself happy and find out where HOME is.... Because there is no place like it and the devil will never find it.

Heartbreak Hotel

It’s never easy for us to let go of somebody when it comes to terms of the heart.  Looking back we’ve lost ones that were worth it, kept ones around that never deserved it, and the only thing we can change is how to handle the next sorry bastard that comes along.  Love is supposed to make life more enjoyable, not more complicated.  It’s supposed to make us smile and jump for the moon, but it usually leads me to bawling in the bath tub with a bottle of Cabernet (yes, the bottle is physically in the bath tub with me) while Sade plays on my Pandora.  Some of you give up- becoming cynical, miserable, and convinced that you’re incapable of love. The rest of you wipe your tears and continue the never ending quest of finding love...Cut it out.

Being one of the cynical ones, it’s that much more difficult to “let somebody in” which makes it nearly impossible to let them go.  It’s always a pleasant surprise when a man who is eager to be in my life crosses my path considering I’m a notorious man-eater, yeah I said it.  I’ve learned that you’ll have less drunken nights crying in the bath tub if you’re the heartbreaker rather than the heartbroken.  Anyways, back to the one who never ceases to amaze me.

 It always seems to be someone who I’d never expect it out of.  The classic story of hot nights and no fights because it’s all fun and games in the beginning, until we  get these weird things called feelings.  Now my calm and collective exterior crumbles and my genuine characteristics show up, but the really awesome ones like jealousy.  Guys love jealous bitches….not.  So I push his buttons and I stop doing his laundry saying really witty things like, “why don’t you have your OTHER girlfriend fold your t-shirts and briefs, asshole” under my breath.

“What did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

Okay the laundry thing is an understatement, but that’s how it begins!  Things fall apart, and now hot nights turn into endless fights.  The split happens, the heartbreak occurs, and I’m back in the damn bath tub. 

If you’ve ever experienced true, gritty, and honest heartbreak you know that nothing can heal it but time and even a lifetime could never erase it.  It lingers in your mind, prevents you from sleeping at night, makes you binge eat for days then makes you not eat for days.  Every song, smell, sight and show on television makes you think about them and no matter how hard you try- you can’t erase the person from your thoughts.  That’s usually the point in time which I realize I loved the person, but by that time it’s too late and the damage is done.  It is so true that you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone- so if you have any pain in letting a person go, take a second look.  There is a sure reason why you want them, need them, and long for them to be a part of your life. 

I promise you’ll never be able to completely cut somebody out, you’re mind just will not allow it.  I’ve loved, I’ve lost and when I finally can smile again everyday because I’ve managed to block them out of my thoughts…they come back around.  I jump for joy and scream with anger all at once.  Either I’ve got a chance to save something I lost or we are both too weak to let go completely when we know we should.  How do you know that you aren’t letting go of the one who’s worth it?

Grow Up and Carry Yourself

You can't plan life.  If you talked to me one, two, or even five years ago this is definitely not where I said I would be.  I had big dreams, solid goals and high hopes, but the reality is that nothing ever goes as planned.  Looking back, I'm not sure if everything I wanted was truly for me or if it was just to prove something to the people in my life.  Now I'm twenty-two years old, I haven't accomplished anything I'd hoped to by now, and I could care less if anyone else has an opinion about how I'm doing or where I've ended up.

Actually, you know what?  Maybe we say we "don't care" what other people think. or maybe we just can't come to terms with the fact that they don't want to hear the truth.  I have no desire to confess to my father that I have not been in college for the past year; I'd rather lie to him over a five minute conversation every month by saying "there were problems with my paper work".  Who are we really lying to?  And why do we feel the need to cover up the reality of our lives to dismiss the opinion of someone else?

You only live one life so handle it how you choose.  It's short, it's sweet, and you only get one shot.  Don't let anybody make you sad, don't let anybody hold you back, and most of all control your own destiny.  If it takes me five years instead of four years to finish college, than so be it.  It's my life- I spent that extra year doing what I wanted to do.  How many of you can say that for yourselves?

I have friends who claim they are "independent" but if they didn't have their parents, they'd be poor, homeless, hungry and lost.  Take charge of your freedom.  You only live one life- I'd rather struggle than have some other person control mine.  Man up and do things for yourself, not for anyone else.  At the end of everyday you can only count on one person, and that's you.  Nobody ever got to the top because of other people, so grow up and carry your damn self.

 

Moments Make the Memories

In the attempt to fall asleep, the three of us sit up at six in the morning with nothing but the sounds of our voices. I am pretty positive the weather is the only topic we didn't cover as Sara and Rocky talked themselves right to sleep. Now the room is silent, the sun is up, and I can't help but sit here and take it all in. I could talk about nothing for eight hours with these two. As uneventful as that may seem, it would be eight hours of my life that are simply irreplaceable and every second would be special.

I feel like everyone my age sits back and wanders down memory lane telling stories that never seem to get old and always get re-told. How about your very first party freshman year of college, or the tragic break-up that made you think your life was over at twenty, or the endless stories of run ins with the police which always ended with something hilarious happening. These memories are times that we look back upon and keep with us for the rest of our lives because we know they could never happen again in the same exact way.

The stories are all unforgettable, but we put them above other moments that didn't seem so thrilling or monumental at the time. I don't remember my first party freshman year of college (not because of alcohol) but because I was probably with people who made no impact on my life and I would have been completely indifferent if I never saw them again. But I do remember the very first day I met my two best friends who sit here with me now four years later. Most of you cherish your fun time at a nighclub together as a great memory, but I don't. I cherish mornings like these where we could be talking about three completely different things but still be on the same page. I cherish the fact that from the day I met both of them we have never got into an argument or went any period of time without speaking to one another, ever. The rest of you are so caught up with needing to build a social life that you don't take the time and care when considering potential friendships- you just want "friends". As a result, you miss out on the process of creating sacred memories that you'll keep with you until your very last breath.

Sadly for many of you, you haven't experienced true friendship yet- in which case you can't relate to these thoughts of mine one bit. The "friends" that you spend every day with probably won't be your friends a decade from now. Your only memories will be endless nights out with someone who never impacted your life in such a way that they'd still be there until your very last day. You're wasting precious time with people that you are easily going to forget.

In ten years I'm not going to remember our adventure in Fort Lauderdale last night. I'll remember how I'm writing this blog as two of my best friends are sound asleep just feet away from me without a clue that these are the moments I love. I love that in ten years when I look back on this very morning and call upon this little cherished memory of mine, it will most likely be over coffee with these two.