Being one of the cynical ones, it’s that much more difficult
to “let somebody in” which makes it nearly impossible to let them go. It’s always a pleasant surprise when a man who
is eager to be in my life crosses my path considering I’m a notorious man-eater,
yeah I said it. I’ve learned that you’ll
have less drunken nights crying in the bath tub if you’re the heartbreaker rather
than the heartbroken. Anyways, back to
the one who never ceases to amaze me.
It always seems to be
someone who I’d never expect it out of.
The classic story of hot nights and no fights because it’s all fun and
games in the beginning, until we get
these weird things called feelings. Now
my calm and collective exterior crumbles and my genuine characteristics show up, but the really awesome ones like
jealousy. Guys love jealous bitches….not. So I push his buttons and I stop doing his
laundry saying really witty things like, “why don’t you have your OTHER
girlfriend fold your t-shirts and briefs, asshole” under my breath.
“What did you just say?”
“Nothing.”
Okay the laundry thing is an understatement, but that’s how
it begins! Things fall apart, and now
hot nights turn into endless fights. The
split happens, the heartbreak occurs, and I’m back in the damn bath tub.
If you’ve ever experienced true, gritty, and honest
heartbreak you know that nothing can heal it but time and even a lifetime could
never erase it. It lingers in your mind,
prevents you from sleeping at night, makes you binge eat for days then makes
you not eat for days. Every song, smell, sight and show on
television makes you think about them and no matter how hard you try- you can’t
erase the person from your thoughts.
That’s usually the point in time which I realize I loved the person, but
by that time it’s too late and the damage is done. It is so true that you never know what you’ve
got until it’s gone- so if you have any pain in letting a person go, take a
second look. There is a sure reason why
you want them, need them, and long for them to be a part of your life.
I promise you’ll never be able to completely cut somebody
out, you’re mind just will not allow it.
I’ve loved, I’ve lost and when I finally can smile again everyday
because I’ve managed to block them out of my thoughts…they come back
around. I jump for joy and scream with
anger all at once. Either I’ve got a chance
to save something I lost or we are both too weak to let go completely when we
know we should. How do you know that you
aren’t letting go of the one who’s worth it?
