Cause looking for heaven, Found the devil in me

An ode to Florence and the Machine.... The hot and scalding water feels so relaxing as the sound of "Shake it Out" streams from my cell phone in the steamy shower. Scrubbing the Nexus shampoo that smells of coconut into my hair amongst the steam, I snap out of it when I hear her say, "cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me." On a daily basis we strive for happiness, want to be loved, search for appreciation, and try to sustain dignity all at once. However, every night as I lay my head I feel unaccomplished, insignificant, and unfulfilled. Working two jobs in high school, sacrificing sleep, sacrificing love, (then and now,) I thought I was reaching my personal heaven... But I only found the devil in me. I thought if I could better myself and my own life than I could better the lives of those around me. Looking back I realize that's not what I wanted at all, I THOUGHT I was doing it for them, but my selfishness overcame me. Now I'm left with little to what I started with.... Right back to square one. Regardless of love, dignity or selflessness, do yourselves a favor... Recognize during every action you partake in who you're REALLY doing it for. I could desert my blood, my family, my first love, and my hometown since birth for something I didn't even know existed. I believed the grass was greener on the other side, but that's not always the case. These days I may consider trading in my star-studded, beautiful, exotic, and exciting life for another day in Rutland, Vermont. Days where I would laugh so hard it would make me cramp during soccer practice with my best friend Melanie, talk about colleges and our futures with my best friend Naomi, or look to the love of my life and his parents for guidance- I have a fabulous life today, but it could never compare to my previous one. We used to look down upon females our age until we were blessed with Selene Ross. I thought college and careers were out of reach until Melanie and Jake made it, who I love SO much and I'm SO proud of! My life may seem fabulous, buy it's empty without those people. Some in my hometown envy me and are excited to hear of the celebrities I meet, the concerts I attend and the parties I go to, but 9 times out of 10 I wish I were nowhere but back in high school in Vermont.... You'll never know until you explore both worlds. I have regrets. I've loved and lost. I've learned. I've grown. I'm happy, but I've also found the devil in me. Take chances- find the person that truly appreciates and loves you, make a difference in the world, make yourself happy and find out where HOME is.... Because there is no place like it and the devil will never find it.