Nobody Likes Bad Weather

I love how we say, "Well things could be worse, right?"  And then I get fired...

We try to live with positive thinking in hopes that things are going to work out in our favor if we just constantly pursue and stay grinding to move forward, however there's always a time when we want to do nothing else but throw in the towel.  The feeling of being so exhausted you just want to drop everything and have no responsibility but to breathe.

We take four steps ahead only to get knocked six steps behind.  Feeling so bruised up from always being pushed back and kicked down, I can never actually throw the towel on the ground. 

At my worse times when I want to disappear and disregard all of the problems I face, there is some small flame that stays ignited deep within me and it just will not allow me to quit.  Even when I tell myself that this is just my luck and things aren't likely to get better at the moment, I know greatness is just ahead.  It may be two weeks down the road or two years down the road- but I can't stop because I am so anxious to get there. 

Friends use the same old lines over and over like "Don't worry you will be fine, you always are."  I always climb my way over the mountains that are set in front of me and in all honesty it's not the words of others that push me over and make me keep climbing- it's the little flame that will never go out. 

I come through the door with bloodshot eyes from crying the entire drive to Boca and my arms at my side only to see a good friend opening a bottle of wine already.  She says, "You know it's always a storm before the rainbow."

I laugh and say, "This isn't a storm, it's a damn hurricane."

The little flame won't let me sit inside and drink my wine until the rain passes, it's making me go outside and fight the weather. 

You can all sit inside if you choose but I'm running through the hurricane toward the rainbow- and once I get there it's never going to rain again.

The Call I Never Want to Get

One of my closest friends from high school who I have seen and spent time with maybe two or three times since graduation called me today.  We have the relationship that all true friends have- after not even speaking for over a month because we are so caught up with our daily lives, we can pick up right where we left off.  My love for our friendship is immortal and the phone conversation today left my thoughts in shambles.

To my surprise this call wasn't filled with laughs, memories, and the here and theres of catching up- he told me that two weeks ago he totaled his car and got charged with a DUI.

The details of the story make it seem less horrific and when we hear news such as this we are always so quick to say, "Well, thank God you're okay.  That's all that matters."  Ofcourse we mean this, but what if the slightest difference in the car accident occured- what if he didn't call me today.  We hear these things and take a sigh of relief that things hadn't turned out so badly and they are still here but we all know that there's a chance of a worse outcome. 

After losing a friend to suicide, another to a natural disaster, another to a car accident, among others, its scary to think that it could be any of us at any time.  Sometimes we need to sit back and realize that two hours after having coffee with our best friend or talking to our sister on the phone, we could never see them or hear from them again.  Life is a chance.

Today I didn't feel relieved that my friend made out with some legal charges and no vehicle, but I was relieved to hear his voice.  I can't stop thinking that it could have been a friend or his mother calling with life changing news- and that would be the call that I never want to get.

My thoughts today are fully dedicated to Michael Patterson, Britney Gengel, and T-Monkey.  Love always.

Feed the Light Side

Last Wednesday I was at an event for Pamoja Charity in Delray Beach.  On my drive there while I'm spraying my hairspray in the car and changing into my dress at the stop light- because I was late ofcourse, I found myself confused.  Why am I going to volunteer somewhere right now when I have so many things to pay for and plenty of issues in my own life to take care of?  Sounds selfish but when you have a lot on your plate and people tell you to "prioritize," the last thing you are thinking of is how you can help someone else.  Anyways I had given my word so I stuck to it.

I arrive at the Crest Theatre on Atlantic Avenue in the milk chocolate mini dress with a cropped black jacket and curly hair like "Heyyy I'm Farrah Fawcet."  I meet the other girls who are volunteering with me and they set us up at the front desk to check people in.  This charity sends children in Africa to school; for thirty dollars they can go for an entire semester completely paid.  So when people walked in to the event it was my job to get their mailing information, give them a picture of the child they were sponsoring, and smile like the Barbie that I am.  After everyone bustled through the doors it was time for the show they came to enjoy, which we were allowed to go attend.

David Stebbins is a comedian and I had previously been to one of his acts before.  He's a recovered drug addict and his stand up isn't written tales and jokes about celebrities, it's his life story and endeavors that he has encountered and overcome.  He tries to explain how smoking crack saved his life at one point, it's a riveting show that literally makes you laugh, cry and ponder in depth about life's most important questions at once.  So as I said before I wasn't at the best place in my life on this Wednesday night, but I do believe everything happens for a reason and now I know why I was asked to volunteer at this event. 

You know when you watch a movie for the second time and you pick up a ton of things you missed the first time that you saw it?  You just understand it better.  This is how listening to David was for me last Wednesday.  I had heard this same story before but this time I heard more of it and it had a profound effect on my thinking.

The ending story that stuck in my mind is that after he tells you the adventures he experienced (such as getting arrested, overdosing on drugs, losing family members, etc.)  he had a single moment on a plane where he had an epiphany.  He said he was thinking about the story with the little Indian and the chief, where the chief tries to explain that every living person lives a double life because they have a dark side and a light side which are constantly battling.  The Indian asks which side wins.  The chief responds by saying, "whichever side you feed into."  Looking back onto all of his life changing mistakes and path of misery, David said he asked himself one question, "Do I want to live my life righteously or destructively?"  He chose righteously and was pleased to see how easy life became and how much things changed in a positive way.

It was after midnight when I got out of the show and opposed to usually having my stereo blasting with Drake, I drove in silence.  I drove with my Farrah Fawcet hair and the window down to the Cheesecake Factory and had my lonely self a glass of wine at the bar where there was low music and dimmed lights;  and I asked myself the question.  Do I want to live righteously or destructively?  I have been feeding the dark side- many of us have.  Make a change if things aren't what they should be.

Before last Wednesday I was complaining and stressing about all my problems, but as soon as I left that night I was happy, relieved, and on my way to a righteous life.  Live it and love it.

Beauty and the Beast

Nobody should ever settle for less but most usually do.  Maybe it's not even settling for less, more like being content where you are so the search doesn't have to continue forever.  Everyone gave Shakespeare all this credit for the Romeo and Juliet thing, but Juliet kills herself for love.  That's probably where it began, love blinds you and it makes you do crazy things.  When you are so caught up with another person it's easy to lose touch with yourself.  

As hard as it may be to leave someone- if they don't have a positive impact in your life than you need to bite the bullet and move on.  In the same respect if you have someone who does you no wrong and is a good thing than don't test it to see what bad could occur- just enjoy the greatness and it will continue.

The beauty of a relationship is knowing there is someone to complete you, have your back above all others, and make you smile right when you thought nothing could.  It seems like a simple equation so why is it the hardest one to solve?

Getting to the main point of why I even began this specific post, why is it that females are always the ones who "play games" and make things "complicated?"  Females are so easy to please.  To all the men (or should I say boys) who read this post, think of AAA as your insurance when it comes to the game. AAA... Acknowledge them, appreciate them, and give them a little attention.  A little wine and dine with some shopping in between definitely won't hurt either, but it's not even necessary. 

If I cook for you, clean for you, give you a shoulder to cry on and can kick it like one of the guys while you are tuned into Madden for hours on end, you can start by saying thank you and asking me how my day was.  Give the girl a compliment in the morning when you wake up and she will find nothing to bitch about to you later on when she gets home.  We are happy to do these things for you as long as you don't oversee them and expect it all the time without making us feel good in return.

When you have a girl that seems too good to be true why must you try to find the imperfection?  Men are always presented with someone who could not be more right for their personality and situation, but the guys always still look for more.  Time and time again have I heard stories from my friends and experienced it myself;  when a good woman is handed to you on a silver platter do not try to find superwoman on a gold one because she doesn't exist and in turn you will end up with an empty platter....or a plate of bologna (how rewarding)....

When a woman's fed up there isn't anything you can do.  You may push certain girls to their limits and still have them at the end of the day, but that doesn't last forever.  All you're doing is pushing them into the arms of someone who will take the time to treat them right.  Ladies get worried that if they lose what they have they may not get another.  They don't have the courage to take a chance of the grass being greener on the other side, but men don't have the courage to settle when they already know it's a good thing.  Both will bite you in the ass.  In hopes of nobody ending up alone, let the games go.  Live it and love it.

It's The Little Things

They always say, "Live everyday as if it were your last."  So then we sit and think to ourselves; I have to go bungee jumping or skydiving, because it makes us think that we have to go do the unthinkable before our last day comes.   I try to take a step back and soak up the little things in life, which you may find to be far more rewarding.  The next time you are eating out at a restaurant taking a few moments flipping through the menu because you are so indecisive, consider the people who have nothing to eat and shamefully dig through your garbage just to survive.  Stepping into this mindset isn't meant to make you feel bad that you live better, but it will make you appreciate every tiny bite off of the fork in your hands. 

There was a period of about two months in my life when I woke up on a daily basis not knowing how I would eat.  Every single day.  But in these two months I had never been happier my entire life. I woke up feeling like a million dollars every morning because I was alive, excited what kind of people would cross my path, what adventures I'd find myself on, and thankful to be living in a beautiful place where everything was at my fingertips even if nothing was in my pockets.  That simplicity of life is the most rewarding feeling.  You get more out of life meeting somebody new in your day than making a dollar.

Regardless of bad circumstances, everybody can find something to be thankful for.  I have to stop myself most of the time and snap out of it because I whine and get upset when things don't go my way, but I wake up and open my eyes on a daily basis to another day in a world of endless opportunities.  The only thing that could get in my way of happiness or appreciating life, is death.  Tomorrow morning before you push yourself out of bed to begin another day, take a few seconds to smile and thank God that you woke up breathing.  I can assure you that just by doing that simple ritual every time you open your eyes from a restful night of sleep, the days will go by easier, the sun appears to be brighter and every meal tastes like the best meal you have ever had. 

What ever occurred in our lives to make us not appreciate the most important things?  Growing up when my dad would give me twenty dollars to go to the mall, I would not be satisfied until I could get thirty.  Why are things just never enough for us?  Before the world got caught up with money, cars, and having the newest Blackberry, people would look forward to going home and eating dinner with their families every night.  You have lost touch with the simplicity of life, we all have. 

We were not given this life to go out to dinners and nightclubs with superficial friends; think about the true meaning of what it is to be alive.  Surround yourself with real people, never take your life for granted, and when somebody tells you to live as if today was your last day...don't treat it like a last parade.  Take it back to the simple things. 

Answer the Phone

We have all heard it before from a friend, family member, boyfriend or girlfriend- "I will always be here for you, no matter what.  Call me at 4am and I will answer.  You can count on me."  Save it for a soap opera because none of you mean it. 

When they call you at 4am and you are so comfortable in bed wrapped up in your covers, the last thing you want to do is pick up and listen to them cry, bitch, or ask to come over and talk.  You were "so tired, completely knocked out, and didn't even hear your phone."  You have all done it, you are all guilty, and I am myself.  What really defines a good friend today?

I consider myself the best friend you will ever have or the worst enemy you could ever have; I leave the choice up to you.  Don't take advantage of somebody's kindness or willingness to help you out and they will continue to come back.  It's a give and take thing.  I'm not so sure why this is hard for everyone to understand because we learn in kindergarten how to share.  You can use my red crayon if you let me use your blue one- when things were so simple.

I know who I can trust with information, who I can call when I have hit rock bottom, and who always has my best interest at heart.  There is one person who will never let you down and can always control your happiness.  It's yourself.  Don't ever let your happiness, safety, dreams or life rest in someone else's hands.

When somebody looks me in the eyes and tells me "from the bottom of my heart, I truly care about you and I will be there for you beyond everybody else," I take the risk of believing them and giving a little bit of myself or I fake a smile, say thank you, and know that I could never call them.  Most of us swing one way or the other most of the time and then that one instance that you step out of your comfort zone to try the other strategy, you find yourself fooled.  Then we all shake our heads and say I never should have taken the chance, I never should have trusted them, I'm going back to how I always am. 

The best part that always makes me laugh is when they come to you on a day when it's pouring rain and they have a flat tire on the side of 95- suck it.  

If you're going to be there for somebody, and I mean truly be there- than when they call at 4am and you just want to ignore the ringing on your cell phone to continue your slumber; answer.

Try the Walk on Broken Glass

The vulnerability and risk in living a free life on a daily basis forces you to take the bad with the good.  Through the many days that you wake up happier than ever, there are always some mornings where you wish you could squeeze your eyelids shut so tight and disappear to a different world leaving every problem, headache, regret and worry behind you.  The restrictions and boundaries of life force us to live as every other person in our surrounding world, which is why I always choose to take the road less traveled.     

What are you going to do when you graduate high school?  Give away the next four years of your life to college because that's what you're supposed to do.  What are you going to need by the age of thirty-five?  A marriage, children and house with blue shutters.  Why?  Because that's what everyone is supposed to do.  Make sure your bills are paid on time, work toward good credit, and never spend money on senseless items you "want" instead of need.  I feel sorry for you people because you are out of your minds....actually you aren't, but you need to be.  For living in such a "free" world we are constantly pressured or subconciously restricted to our ways of living, and those who dare to be different are either irresponsible or simply nuts.

Life is supposed to be something exciting; everyday is a new day.  Take some risks, surprise people by your actions and never live two days the same.  You're wasting the oxygen in my world by working the 9-5 Monday through Friday, never eating out, and doing housework every Sunday.  Those people, my friends, are nuts. 

I have found that taking the less traveled path is usually done barefoot on gravel and broken glass instead of walking on a plush carpet, but I still don't wish to choose the comfortable way.  Give me a box of bandaids for all of the cuts because even though I will have the scars years down the road, the bandaid makes it feel better right now.  Some say I am too young to understand the real world, but I think I'm the only one who see's it for what it really is.  When the time comes that I my life is two days identical, that will be my cue to squeeze my eyes shut- as tightly as possible and hope that when they open I am in a different life.   

Live it and love it.