Moments Make the Memories

In the attempt to fall asleep, the three of us sit up at six in the morning with nothing but the sounds of our voices. I am pretty positive the weather is the only topic we didn't cover as Sara and Rocky talked themselves right to sleep. Now the room is silent, the sun is up, and I can't help but sit here and take it all in. I could talk about nothing for eight hours with these two. As uneventful as that may seem, it would be eight hours of my life that are simply irreplaceable and every second would be special.

I feel like everyone my age sits back and wanders down memory lane telling stories that never seem to get old and always get re-told. How about your very first party freshman year of college, or the tragic break-up that made you think your life was over at twenty, or the endless stories of run ins with the police which always ended with something hilarious happening. These memories are times that we look back upon and keep with us for the rest of our lives because we know they could never happen again in the same exact way.

The stories are all unforgettable, but we put them above other moments that didn't seem so thrilling or monumental at the time. I don't remember my first party freshman year of college (not because of alcohol) but because I was probably with people who made no impact on my life and I would have been completely indifferent if I never saw them again. But I do remember the very first day I met my two best friends who sit here with me now four years later. Most of you cherish your fun time at a nighclub together as a great memory, but I don't. I cherish mornings like these where we could be talking about three completely different things but still be on the same page. I cherish the fact that from the day I met both of them we have never got into an argument or went any period of time without speaking to one another, ever. The rest of you are so caught up with needing to build a social life that you don't take the time and care when considering potential friendships- you just want "friends". As a result, you miss out on the process of creating sacred memories that you'll keep with you until your very last breath.

Sadly for many of you, you haven't experienced true friendship yet- in which case you can't relate to these thoughts of mine one bit. The "friends" that you spend every day with probably won't be your friends a decade from now. Your only memories will be endless nights out with someone who never impacted your life in such a way that they'd still be there until your very last day. You're wasting precious time with people that you are easily going to forget.

In ten years I'm not going to remember our adventure in Fort Lauderdale last night. I'll remember how I'm writing this blog as two of my best friends are sound asleep just feet away from me without a clue that these are the moments I love. I love that in ten years when I look back on this very morning and call upon this little cherished memory of mine, it will most likely be over coffee with these two.

Enough Lemons, Thank You.

Life can change drastically at any moment's notice whether we are prepared for it or not.  From something tragic like a car accident to something even more tragic like a positive pregnancy test (kidding...) We could have everything today and nothing tomorrow, or nothing today and everything tomorrow- either way there is a plan for each of us and we can't ever see what's coming at us next.  Bite the bullet on the bad days and savor every second on the good ones because regardless of which card you're dealt the deck will eventually be gone. 

I'm not giving you the typical "don't take things for granted" speech, I'm just saying that expecting the unexpected not only keeps you grounded but provides all the substance in life.  My best friend's pregnancy seemed like the scariest thing two years ago, but she has grown to be an amazing woman as a result.  Her child is a blessing who we could never imagine life without and I can't find the words to describe how proud I am that she still pushed through college, got her degree and is living a balanced life between her career and motherhood.  For others that may not be the case, when it rains it pours.

Story of my life. 

Need to renew your health insurance, you get really sick.  Buy a new car, lose your job.  Things looking up?  You get a speeding ticket.  Behind on bills, car breaks down.  Fall in love?  Whoops, he's married.  Spend an hour curling your hair, it ends up raining.  Deposit money into the bank, lose your bank card.


......could anything else go wrong today?!
A typical day for me in high-school usually went as follows:

 I was an hour late Monday through Thursday and didn't bother to attend most Fridays (always found time to stop for Dunkin Donuts coffee).  The coffee would always end up spilled on my shirt before I walked in the building.  I'd get an unexcused late pass which I'd lose on my way to Sarah Fortier's World History class.  I'd drag my Birkenstocks through her door only to find that we have a test that day.  Ofcourse I knew nothing on the test, so I'd sign my name and circle "C" for every question.  (Fail).  I'd text during Pre-Calc (because the last time I was good at math was in 7th grade), get yelled at in Science if I asked Mr. Spatzer to go pee, fight with the librarian during study hall for talking too much (sorry I'm popular), get sent to detention which I'd never serve, and leave school early to go to work where I got to spread mayo and dijon on bread all night for people who lived off of subs . Before my day was even close to over, it was already ruined.  Don't be so negative guys; the glass is half full.

I know everything above is petty compared to a majority of the problems that people face, I'm just trying to explain that nothing is going to happen exactly as we want it to.  Myself?  I'm actually more of a "glass is half empty" kind of girl, as opposed to every barista at Starbucks who's always way to excited to make coffee early in the day... makes me sick.

All in all, every day we wake up means another day we've survived. 

Two Species: Bitter or Simply Stupid

I don't understand why when we were growing up our moms always said, "Don't talk to strangers."  My conversations with strangers are like a breath of fresh air; usually insightful and surprisingly I can make their stories relate to my life like a horoscope.  I wake up late today with plenty on my mind and after a hot shower I find myself sitting at the bar at Villagio with a glass of wine next to an older and interesting guy, Ray.

After some small talk, he starts venting to me about his lady problems...awkward.  I listen as my wine glass begins to empty at a faster pace, but I had a feeling this conversation would have a point.  Sure as daylight- it did.

All day I have these thoughts going through my mind.  Relationships are lose-lose situations and those of you who are in love right now may beg to differ with me, but call me in a couple years and let me know where you're at.  I can't help but think to myself, what is the point of it all?  All good things must come to an end, unfortunately.  Why set yourself up for heartbreak?  But in the other perspective, why keep a wall and never set yourself up for love?

Anyways, back to Ray.  While I'm semi-listening, semi-ignoring, and drinking my wine he says one sentence that woke me up.  "And then I broke the most important rule."   I set my glass down and say, "Enlighten me.  What rule did you break?"  As he shakes his head he looks up and tells me, "I fell in love with her."

Falling in love may give you a rush when it happens, but so does shooting heroin.  Some things just aren't for everybody. 

I guess I'm more of a realist than a romantic.  Some women look forward to getting chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day, and others would rather watch Jerry McGuire alone in bed while eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  Love is over rated.  Maybe bitter women are the way they are because they just don't have what those hopeless romantics do, a bitch.  Or maybe the hopeless romantics dream in the clouds because they don't have what the bitter women do, guts.

By all means don't fight a good thing; but is the time you spend with that somebody worth taking the risk of having it all end one day?  Only to leave you with that unbearable pain that yes, may slowly disappear as time goes on, but the smallest bit remains to linger on inside of you forever.  Should we just spare ourselves?  Or is it even worse to put up your wall and never take the risk, saving yourself from the heartbreak?  All in all, at this point in time I'd say love is for suckers.

The Power of a Woman

Every female is an actress; we convince others that we are happy when we want to cry, make a boy believe we are in love with them when we aren’t, and nine times out of ten when you lie to us we already know the truth. 

Men always accuse us of “playing head games” and we deny it.  In all honesty we should just own up to it because not only do we play games, we master them.  Remember the commercials with the catchy song?  “Anything you can do, I can do better!  I can do anything better than you!”  Let me give you an example just to prove my point.

My best friend was dating a guy at home in New Jersey and after a break up he recently moved to Boca Raton.  Naturally, as any loyal girlfriend would, I agreed to keep tabs on this fellow.  Putting the master plan into action began with my roommate adding him on Facebook and starting some small talk.  He asks her for her number (wrong move) and she gives him mine.  So this guy thinks he is texting my roommate these past few weeks when all along he is texting me, his ex’s best friend…what a sucker.  This is what I call a controlled situation.

This entire time the boy thinks he is high and mighty “playing” his game; texting my roommate trying to set up dates and turning around calling his ex in New Jersey saying how he misses her.  How stupid does he look when she knows everything he has been texting her friend?

The power of Facebook allowed us to unleash our plan at the perfect moment so we could maximize his embarrassment.  I laid it all out on the line for him on my best friend’s page, explaining how he had really been texting me under the impression he was texting Sara.  Busted.  You see boys, you think you know what we are up to but we are always two steps ahead.  My words of advice for the opposite sex: never underestimate the power of a woman.

Catch Them If You Can

I always say if you don't have high expectations for somebody than they can never disappoint you, but something as genuine as keeping your word seems to be so difficult for some.  Breaking a promise leads to my disappointment.  Who would have ever thought that the simple words that come out of a person's mouth, could have such an effect on the simple thoughts that linger in my mind?

We have all lied before; whether it be a tiny little fib to get us out of trouble at that very moment which will soon be forgotten, or a disturbing lie to cover our own mistakes which will haunt us later on.  Most days I just want to meet the man who invented lying so I can kick him between his legs with my Steve Madden heels, but all the other days I feel like I could just call him because I'm certain his number is in my cell phone. 

Some people may eat up your lies because ignorance is bliss; they would truly just rather not know the reality of a situation.  I pity anyone who adopts that mindset.  You're simply scarred from all those times when you got your feelings hurt and somebody raises their eyebrows at you before they say, "Well, the truth hurts."  So now you think that what you won't know won't harm you and you accept the filthy, false words that roll off of a liar's lips.  Listen- you were an idiot then, and you're more of an idiot now. 

I'd rather be upset by some honest words that I don't like hearing than be ignorant and made a fool of.  When toilet paper is stuck on your shoe and you walk around with a huge oblivious grin on your face, wouldn't you rather have someone tell you than let you continue on looking like a fool?  If your boyfriend or girlfriend were cheating on you and everyone including their mother and mailman knew about it, wouldn't you want to be informed?  For those of you who serve the lies, good luck.  And for those of you who believe the lies, you're a lost cause.  

What's most imporant?  Knowing the truth or walking around with a smile that is built from everything but that?  Some may say ignorance is bliss, but lately I beg to differ.  If you must lie, think about what will happen once you're caught.  A simple thing we share everyday-words, have no meaning most of the time because talk is cheap and the suckers will never catch the liars.

Lingerie and Laboutins Won't Make the Cut

I'm often asked, "what do you want out of life?"

So quick to respond I always say, "To be successful,"  but when someone asked me to define my idea of success the other day I found my self speechless.  Obviously success is being the best in whatever you pursue and we are all constantly competing for top spot, but I'm beginning to rethink the whole meaning of it.

Whenever somebody would tell me, "Money can't buy happiness,"  I'd laugh and say, "Maybe so, but I can't be happy without money."  Up until a couple of weeks ago I guess my idea of success was misconstrued with my idea of happiness.  I wanted to become insanely wealthy, drive my dream car and live in my Barbie dream house while I could bake cupcakes for my NFL player husband in lingerie and Laboutins...kidding!  Well, kind of.  My point is that I never really knew what I wanted out of my life and it's important to remember that we don't always get what we want, we'll end up exactly where we are meant to be.

Of course all of us should pursue our dreams, set goals and be the best at whatever we do, but instead of working toward six figures a year consider finding peace of mind within yourself and meaning within your relationships.

What is success to me?  Being at the top.  Not by somebody lifting me up, but by climbing there myself.  And where is the top you ask?  I'll let you know when I get there. 

I am going to be an author.  My books will be New York Times best sellers (watch out Chelsea Handler).  All of my relationships will be meaningful and I won't take any day for granted.  I'll appreciate all that I obtain from hard work.  Most importantly, I'll have peace of mind; not from the money that I make or the car that I drive, but from achieving my personal definition of success.
 
What's yours?

Forget Where You Came From

They say learning from our mistakes, taking the bad with the good and finding where you belong in this world is all a part of growing up.  Thinking about the painful words and experiences that I have endured thus far in my life, I feel like I just had some sort of an epiphany.  I'm going to end up exactly where I am supposed to and it has nothing to do with where I came from.

Years may go by and we may become older however a majority of the people around us will never learn from their mistakes, never accept the bad for what it is and most importantly will never understand where they belong in this big world.  What does it mean to truly be comfortable in your own skin?  One of the most difficult yet most rewarding journeys any of us could take will be finding who we truly are and where we are meant to be.

A conversation with someone I met for the first time today doesn't have me feeling like I've "known him forever," but more like I know how he's felt forever.  Recognizing how you change as a person is so enlightening.

In high school I was so superficial; always worried what others thought of me.  There finally came a point in time where I realized that no matter how hard I tried to please everybody and be who they wanted me to be, they'd still think what they wanted. 

I'd be an extremely wealthy woman if I had a dollar for every time my name was written on the walls and stalls of the women's bathroom at Otter Valley Union High School; and if you couldn't guess it was never about how pretty I was or my witty sense of humor.  The ironic part is that after using all that energy to try to bring me down I live an amazing life in beautiful south Florida, and in a couple years those people will probably be doing nothing but scrubbing those very words off in their janitorial positions.

But back to the intriguing individual I met tonight.  He said, "I could walk the red carpet at the hottest clubs in New York City, Los Angeles or Miami and be treated like royalty, but when I go to a local bar in my hometown I get treated like shit." 

It's like my conscience jumped out of my mind and into this person so they could say what I have been thinking for so long.  People say "don't forget where you came from," but why wouldn't we want to?  I know that the opinions of others used to shape what I thought I needed to be, but really they only pushed me away to find out who I truly was. 

I know who I am and who I never want to become, but most importantly I know this is where I am meant to be and I owe none of it to "remembering where I came from."