Moments Make the Memories

In the attempt to fall asleep, the three of us sit up at six in the morning with nothing but the sounds of our voices. I am pretty positive the weather is the only topic we didn't cover as Sara and Rocky talked themselves right to sleep. Now the room is silent, the sun is up, and I can't help but sit here and take it all in. I could talk about nothing for eight hours with these two. As uneventful as that may seem, it would be eight hours of my life that are simply irreplaceable and every second would be special.

I feel like everyone my age sits back and wanders down memory lane telling stories that never seem to get old and always get re-told. How about your very first party freshman year of college, or the tragic break-up that made you think your life was over at twenty, or the endless stories of run ins with the police which always ended with something hilarious happening. These memories are times that we look back upon and keep with us for the rest of our lives because we know they could never happen again in the same exact way.

The stories are all unforgettable, but we put them above other moments that didn't seem so thrilling or monumental at the time. I don't remember my first party freshman year of college (not because of alcohol) but because I was probably with people who made no impact on my life and I would have been completely indifferent if I never saw them again. But I do remember the very first day I met my two best friends who sit here with me now four years later. Most of you cherish your fun time at a nighclub together as a great memory, but I don't. I cherish mornings like these where we could be talking about three completely different things but still be on the same page. I cherish the fact that from the day I met both of them we have never got into an argument or went any period of time without speaking to one another, ever. The rest of you are so caught up with needing to build a social life that you don't take the time and care when considering potential friendships- you just want "friends". As a result, you miss out on the process of creating sacred memories that you'll keep with you until your very last breath.

Sadly for many of you, you haven't experienced true friendship yet- in which case you can't relate to these thoughts of mine one bit. The "friends" that you spend every day with probably won't be your friends a decade from now. Your only memories will be endless nights out with someone who never impacted your life in such a way that they'd still be there until your very last day. You're wasting precious time with people that you are easily going to forget.

In ten years I'm not going to remember our adventure in Fort Lauderdale last night. I'll remember how I'm writing this blog as two of my best friends are sound asleep just feet away from me without a clue that these are the moments I love. I love that in ten years when I look back on this very morning and call upon this little cherished memory of mine, it will most likely be over coffee with these two.

Enough Lemons, Thank You.

Life can change drastically at any moment's notice whether we are prepared for it or not.  From something tragic like a car accident to something even more tragic like a positive pregnancy test (kidding...) We could have everything today and nothing tomorrow, or nothing today and everything tomorrow- either way there is a plan for each of us and we can't ever see what's coming at us next.  Bite the bullet on the bad days and savor every second on the good ones because regardless of which card you're dealt the deck will eventually be gone. 

I'm not giving you the typical "don't take things for granted" speech, I'm just saying that expecting the unexpected not only keeps you grounded but provides all the substance in life.  My best friend's pregnancy seemed like the scariest thing two years ago, but she has grown to be an amazing woman as a result.  Her child is a blessing who we could never imagine life without and I can't find the words to describe how proud I am that she still pushed through college, got her degree and is living a balanced life between her career and motherhood.  For others that may not be the case, when it rains it pours.

Story of my life. 

Need to renew your health insurance, you get really sick.  Buy a new car, lose your job.  Things looking up?  You get a speeding ticket.  Behind on bills, car breaks down.  Fall in love?  Whoops, he's married.  Spend an hour curling your hair, it ends up raining.  Deposit money into the bank, lose your bank card.


......could anything else go wrong today?!
A typical day for me in high-school usually went as follows:

 I was an hour late Monday through Thursday and didn't bother to attend most Fridays (always found time to stop for Dunkin Donuts coffee).  The coffee would always end up spilled on my shirt before I walked in the building.  I'd get an unexcused late pass which I'd lose on my way to Sarah Fortier's World History class.  I'd drag my Birkenstocks through her door only to find that we have a test that day.  Ofcourse I knew nothing on the test, so I'd sign my name and circle "C" for every question.  (Fail).  I'd text during Pre-Calc (because the last time I was good at math was in 7th grade), get yelled at in Science if I asked Mr. Spatzer to go pee, fight with the librarian during study hall for talking too much (sorry I'm popular), get sent to detention which I'd never serve, and leave school early to go to work where I got to spread mayo and dijon on bread all night for people who lived off of subs . Before my day was even close to over, it was already ruined.  Don't be so negative guys; the glass is half full.

I know everything above is petty compared to a majority of the problems that people face, I'm just trying to explain that nothing is going to happen exactly as we want it to.  Myself?  I'm actually more of a "glass is half empty" kind of girl, as opposed to every barista at Starbucks who's always way to excited to make coffee early in the day... makes me sick.

All in all, every day we wake up means another day we've survived. 

Two Species: Bitter or Simply Stupid

I don't understand why when we were growing up our moms always said, "Don't talk to strangers."  My conversations with strangers are like a breath of fresh air; usually insightful and surprisingly I can make their stories relate to my life like a horoscope.  I wake up late today with plenty on my mind and after a hot shower I find myself sitting at the bar at Villagio with a glass of wine next to an older and interesting guy, Ray.

After some small talk, he starts venting to me about his lady problems...awkward.  I listen as my wine glass begins to empty at a faster pace, but I had a feeling this conversation would have a point.  Sure as daylight- it did.

All day I have these thoughts going through my mind.  Relationships are lose-lose situations and those of you who are in love right now may beg to differ with me, but call me in a couple years and let me know where you're at.  I can't help but think to myself, what is the point of it all?  All good things must come to an end, unfortunately.  Why set yourself up for heartbreak?  But in the other perspective, why keep a wall and never set yourself up for love?

Anyways, back to Ray.  While I'm semi-listening, semi-ignoring, and drinking my wine he says one sentence that woke me up.  "And then I broke the most important rule."   I set my glass down and say, "Enlighten me.  What rule did you break?"  As he shakes his head he looks up and tells me, "I fell in love with her."

Falling in love may give you a rush when it happens, but so does shooting heroin.  Some things just aren't for everybody. 

I guess I'm more of a realist than a romantic.  Some women look forward to getting chocolates and flowers on Valentine's Day, and others would rather watch Jerry McGuire alone in bed while eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream.  Love is over rated.  Maybe bitter women are the way they are because they just don't have what those hopeless romantics do, a bitch.  Or maybe the hopeless romantics dream in the clouds because they don't have what the bitter women do, guts.

By all means don't fight a good thing; but is the time you spend with that somebody worth taking the risk of having it all end one day?  Only to leave you with that unbearable pain that yes, may slowly disappear as time goes on, but the smallest bit remains to linger on inside of you forever.  Should we just spare ourselves?  Or is it even worse to put up your wall and never take the risk, saving yourself from the heartbreak?  All in all, at this point in time I'd say love is for suckers.

The Power of a Woman

Every female is an actress; we convince others that we are happy when we want to cry, make a boy believe we are in love with them when we aren’t, and nine times out of ten when you lie to us we already know the truth. 

Men always accuse us of “playing head games” and we deny it.  In all honesty we should just own up to it because not only do we play games, we master them.  Remember the commercials with the catchy song?  “Anything you can do, I can do better!  I can do anything better than you!”  Let me give you an example just to prove my point.

My best friend was dating a guy at home in New Jersey and after a break up he recently moved to Boca Raton.  Naturally, as any loyal girlfriend would, I agreed to keep tabs on this fellow.  Putting the master plan into action began with my roommate adding him on Facebook and starting some small talk.  He asks her for her number (wrong move) and she gives him mine.  So this guy thinks he is texting my roommate these past few weeks when all along he is texting me, his ex’s best friend…what a sucker.  This is what I call a controlled situation.

This entire time the boy thinks he is high and mighty “playing” his game; texting my roommate trying to set up dates and turning around calling his ex in New Jersey saying how he misses her.  How stupid does he look when she knows everything he has been texting her friend?

The power of Facebook allowed us to unleash our plan at the perfect moment so we could maximize his embarrassment.  I laid it all out on the line for him on my best friend’s page, explaining how he had really been texting me under the impression he was texting Sara.  Busted.  You see boys, you think you know what we are up to but we are always two steps ahead.  My words of advice for the opposite sex: never underestimate the power of a woman.

Catch Them If You Can

I always say if you don't have high expectations for somebody than they can never disappoint you, but something as genuine as keeping your word seems to be so difficult for some.  Breaking a promise leads to my disappointment.  Who would have ever thought that the simple words that come out of a person's mouth, could have such an effect on the simple thoughts that linger in my mind?

We have all lied before; whether it be a tiny little fib to get us out of trouble at that very moment which will soon be forgotten, or a disturbing lie to cover our own mistakes which will haunt us later on.  Most days I just want to meet the man who invented lying so I can kick him between his legs with my Steve Madden heels, but all the other days I feel like I could just call him because I'm certain his number is in my cell phone. 

Some people may eat up your lies because ignorance is bliss; they would truly just rather not know the reality of a situation.  I pity anyone who adopts that mindset.  You're simply scarred from all those times when you got your feelings hurt and somebody raises their eyebrows at you before they say, "Well, the truth hurts."  So now you think that what you won't know won't harm you and you accept the filthy, false words that roll off of a liar's lips.  Listen- you were an idiot then, and you're more of an idiot now. 

I'd rather be upset by some honest words that I don't like hearing than be ignorant and made a fool of.  When toilet paper is stuck on your shoe and you walk around with a huge oblivious grin on your face, wouldn't you rather have someone tell you than let you continue on looking like a fool?  If your boyfriend or girlfriend were cheating on you and everyone including their mother and mailman knew about it, wouldn't you want to be informed?  For those of you who serve the lies, good luck.  And for those of you who believe the lies, you're a lost cause.  

What's most imporant?  Knowing the truth or walking around with a smile that is built from everything but that?  Some may say ignorance is bliss, but lately I beg to differ.  If you must lie, think about what will happen once you're caught.  A simple thing we share everyday-words, have no meaning most of the time because talk is cheap and the suckers will never catch the liars.

Lingerie and Laboutins Won't Make the Cut

I'm often asked, "what do you want out of life?"

So quick to respond I always say, "To be successful,"  but when someone asked me to define my idea of success the other day I found my self speechless.  Obviously success is being the best in whatever you pursue and we are all constantly competing for top spot, but I'm beginning to rethink the whole meaning of it.

Whenever somebody would tell me, "Money can't buy happiness,"  I'd laugh and say, "Maybe so, but I can't be happy without money."  Up until a couple of weeks ago I guess my idea of success was misconstrued with my idea of happiness.  I wanted to become insanely wealthy, drive my dream car and live in my Barbie dream house while I could bake cupcakes for my NFL player husband in lingerie and Laboutins...kidding!  Well, kind of.  My point is that I never really knew what I wanted out of my life and it's important to remember that we don't always get what we want, we'll end up exactly where we are meant to be.

Of course all of us should pursue our dreams, set goals and be the best at whatever we do, but instead of working toward six figures a year consider finding peace of mind within yourself and meaning within your relationships.

What is success to me?  Being at the top.  Not by somebody lifting me up, but by climbing there myself.  And where is the top you ask?  I'll let you know when I get there. 

I am going to be an author.  My books will be New York Times best sellers (watch out Chelsea Handler).  All of my relationships will be meaningful and I won't take any day for granted.  I'll appreciate all that I obtain from hard work.  Most importantly, I'll have peace of mind; not from the money that I make or the car that I drive, but from achieving my personal definition of success.
 
What's yours?

Forget Where You Came From

They say learning from our mistakes, taking the bad with the good and finding where you belong in this world is all a part of growing up.  Thinking about the painful words and experiences that I have endured thus far in my life, I feel like I just had some sort of an epiphany.  I'm going to end up exactly where I am supposed to and it has nothing to do with where I came from.

Years may go by and we may become older however a majority of the people around us will never learn from their mistakes, never accept the bad for what it is and most importantly will never understand where they belong in this big world.  What does it mean to truly be comfortable in your own skin?  One of the most difficult yet most rewarding journeys any of us could take will be finding who we truly are and where we are meant to be.

A conversation with someone I met for the first time today doesn't have me feeling like I've "known him forever," but more like I know how he's felt forever.  Recognizing how you change as a person is so enlightening.

In high school I was so superficial; always worried what others thought of me.  There finally came a point in time where I realized that no matter how hard I tried to please everybody and be who they wanted me to be, they'd still think what they wanted. 

I'd be an extremely wealthy woman if I had a dollar for every time my name was written on the walls and stalls of the women's bathroom at Otter Valley Union High School; and if you couldn't guess it was never about how pretty I was or my witty sense of humor.  The ironic part is that after using all that energy to try to bring me down I live an amazing life in beautiful south Florida, and in a couple years those people will probably be doing nothing but scrubbing those very words off in their janitorial positions.

But back to the intriguing individual I met tonight.  He said, "I could walk the red carpet at the hottest clubs in New York City, Los Angeles or Miami and be treated like royalty, but when I go to a local bar in my hometown I get treated like shit." 

It's like my conscience jumped out of my mind and into this person so they could say what I have been thinking for so long.  People say "don't forget where you came from," but why wouldn't we want to?  I know that the opinions of others used to shape what I thought I needed to be, but really they only pushed me away to find out who I truly was. 

I know who I am and who I never want to become, but most importantly I know this is where I am meant to be and I owe none of it to "remembering where I came from."

Don't Spit Them Out, Swallow It!

The one thing I can rarely set aside is my pride. 

We all know admitting we are wrong is a difficult thing to do, but people seem to have more respect for us when we can.  Today I swallowed my pride to salvage a friendship.  Saying the three simple words, "you were right," took me far too long to get out of my mouth...but I'm so relieved I finally could. 

When we get into an argument with someone we never want to be the first to give in.  This past year I have learned that I would much rather swallow my pride, than have someone that I need in my life disappear from it.  Good friends are like money trees- extremely hard to come by.

I give the other person more credit than I can give myself.  The only thing harder to do than swallowing your own pride is to forgive someone.  Not just saying, "I forgive you," only to throw the argument back in their face months down the road- but truly letting it go.  Someone who honestly cares about you can always forgive for your mistakes and that's going to be the biggest test to any friendship.

I'm at a point in my life where I am recognizing the true colors of people a lot quicker than I used to; not only does this save me the time, but it's helping build my happiness that I get out of my relationships with others.

There are people that I may seem to be "close" with today and the next, but I know in my heart that they will have no part of my life in a year.  This is just because people move on. 

I appreciate every person from my past, can't wait to meet the rest in my future, and know the intentions of those in my life today.  It may take arguments, experiences, and a little pressure to test each friendship; but don't throw things out the window at the first negative.  That person could become any important staple to your future.

Your best friend today could be your most hated tomorrow and that's just a part of life.  So cherish someone when you can ultimately know and believe that they have honest intentions. 

It took me months without speaking to a person thinking that they were completely out of my life for me to realize that I wasn't going to let them disappear without saying what I needed to say.  Even if you think they don't want to hear it- take your chances.  I have my friend back and I owe it to swallowing my pride.

Nobody Likes Bad Weather

I love how we say, "Well things could be worse, right?"  And then I get fired...

We try to live with positive thinking in hopes that things are going to work out in our favor if we just constantly pursue and stay grinding to move forward, however there's always a time when we want to do nothing else but throw in the towel.  The feeling of being so exhausted you just want to drop everything and have no responsibility but to breathe.

We take four steps ahead only to get knocked six steps behind.  Feeling so bruised up from always being pushed back and kicked down, I can never actually throw the towel on the ground. 

At my worse times when I want to disappear and disregard all of the problems I face, there is some small flame that stays ignited deep within me and it just will not allow me to quit.  Even when I tell myself that this is just my luck and things aren't likely to get better at the moment, I know greatness is just ahead.  It may be two weeks down the road or two years down the road- but I can't stop because I am so anxious to get there. 

Friends use the same old lines over and over like "Don't worry you will be fine, you always are."  I always climb my way over the mountains that are set in front of me and in all honesty it's not the words of others that push me over and make me keep climbing- it's the little flame that will never go out. 

I come through the door with bloodshot eyes from crying the entire drive to Boca and my arms at my side only to see a good friend opening a bottle of wine already.  She says, "You know it's always a storm before the rainbow."

I laugh and say, "This isn't a storm, it's a damn hurricane."

The little flame won't let me sit inside and drink my wine until the rain passes, it's making me go outside and fight the weather. 

You can all sit inside if you choose but I'm running through the hurricane toward the rainbow- and once I get there it's never going to rain again.

The Call I Never Want to Get

One of my closest friends from high school who I have seen and spent time with maybe two or three times since graduation called me today.  We have the relationship that all true friends have- after not even speaking for over a month because we are so caught up with our daily lives, we can pick up right where we left off.  My love for our friendship is immortal and the phone conversation today left my thoughts in shambles.

To my surprise this call wasn't filled with laughs, memories, and the here and theres of catching up- he told me that two weeks ago he totaled his car and got charged with a DUI.

The details of the story make it seem less horrific and when we hear news such as this we are always so quick to say, "Well, thank God you're okay.  That's all that matters."  Ofcourse we mean this, but what if the slightest difference in the car accident occured- what if he didn't call me today.  We hear these things and take a sigh of relief that things hadn't turned out so badly and they are still here but we all know that there's a chance of a worse outcome. 

After losing a friend to suicide, another to a natural disaster, another to a car accident, among others, its scary to think that it could be any of us at any time.  Sometimes we need to sit back and realize that two hours after having coffee with our best friend or talking to our sister on the phone, we could never see them or hear from them again.  Life is a chance.

Today I didn't feel relieved that my friend made out with some legal charges and no vehicle, but I was relieved to hear his voice.  I can't stop thinking that it could have been a friend or his mother calling with life changing news- and that would be the call that I never want to get.

My thoughts today are fully dedicated to Michael Patterson, Britney Gengel, and T-Monkey.  Love always.

Feed the Light Side

Last Wednesday I was at an event for Pamoja Charity in Delray Beach.  On my drive there while I'm spraying my hairspray in the car and changing into my dress at the stop light- because I was late ofcourse, I found myself confused.  Why am I going to volunteer somewhere right now when I have so many things to pay for and plenty of issues in my own life to take care of?  Sounds selfish but when you have a lot on your plate and people tell you to "prioritize," the last thing you are thinking of is how you can help someone else.  Anyways I had given my word so I stuck to it.

I arrive at the Crest Theatre on Atlantic Avenue in the milk chocolate mini dress with a cropped black jacket and curly hair like "Heyyy I'm Farrah Fawcet."  I meet the other girls who are volunteering with me and they set us up at the front desk to check people in.  This charity sends children in Africa to school; for thirty dollars they can go for an entire semester completely paid.  So when people walked in to the event it was my job to get their mailing information, give them a picture of the child they were sponsoring, and smile like the Barbie that I am.  After everyone bustled through the doors it was time for the show they came to enjoy, which we were allowed to go attend.

David Stebbins is a comedian and I had previously been to one of his acts before.  He's a recovered drug addict and his stand up isn't written tales and jokes about celebrities, it's his life story and endeavors that he has encountered and overcome.  He tries to explain how smoking crack saved his life at one point, it's a riveting show that literally makes you laugh, cry and ponder in depth about life's most important questions at once.  So as I said before I wasn't at the best place in my life on this Wednesday night, but I do believe everything happens for a reason and now I know why I was asked to volunteer at this event. 

You know when you watch a movie for the second time and you pick up a ton of things you missed the first time that you saw it?  You just understand it better.  This is how listening to David was for me last Wednesday.  I had heard this same story before but this time I heard more of it and it had a profound effect on my thinking.

The ending story that stuck in my mind is that after he tells you the adventures he experienced (such as getting arrested, overdosing on drugs, losing family members, etc.)  he had a single moment on a plane where he had an epiphany.  He said he was thinking about the story with the little Indian and the chief, where the chief tries to explain that every living person lives a double life because they have a dark side and a light side which are constantly battling.  The Indian asks which side wins.  The chief responds by saying, "whichever side you feed into."  Looking back onto all of his life changing mistakes and path of misery, David said he asked himself one question, "Do I want to live my life righteously or destructively?"  He chose righteously and was pleased to see how easy life became and how much things changed in a positive way.

It was after midnight when I got out of the show and opposed to usually having my stereo blasting with Drake, I drove in silence.  I drove with my Farrah Fawcet hair and the window down to the Cheesecake Factory and had my lonely self a glass of wine at the bar where there was low music and dimmed lights;  and I asked myself the question.  Do I want to live righteously or destructively?  I have been feeding the dark side- many of us have.  Make a change if things aren't what they should be.

Before last Wednesday I was complaining and stressing about all my problems, but as soon as I left that night I was happy, relieved, and on my way to a righteous life.  Live it and love it.

Beauty and the Beast

Nobody should ever settle for less but most usually do.  Maybe it's not even settling for less, more like being content where you are so the search doesn't have to continue forever.  Everyone gave Shakespeare all this credit for the Romeo and Juliet thing, but Juliet kills herself for love.  That's probably where it began, love blinds you and it makes you do crazy things.  When you are so caught up with another person it's easy to lose touch with yourself.  

As hard as it may be to leave someone- if they don't have a positive impact in your life than you need to bite the bullet and move on.  In the same respect if you have someone who does you no wrong and is a good thing than don't test it to see what bad could occur- just enjoy the greatness and it will continue.

The beauty of a relationship is knowing there is someone to complete you, have your back above all others, and make you smile right when you thought nothing could.  It seems like a simple equation so why is it the hardest one to solve?

Getting to the main point of why I even began this specific post, why is it that females are always the ones who "play games" and make things "complicated?"  Females are so easy to please.  To all the men (or should I say boys) who read this post, think of AAA as your insurance when it comes to the game. AAA... Acknowledge them, appreciate them, and give them a little attention.  A little wine and dine with some shopping in between definitely won't hurt either, but it's not even necessary. 

If I cook for you, clean for you, give you a shoulder to cry on and can kick it like one of the guys while you are tuned into Madden for hours on end, you can start by saying thank you and asking me how my day was.  Give the girl a compliment in the morning when you wake up and she will find nothing to bitch about to you later on when she gets home.  We are happy to do these things for you as long as you don't oversee them and expect it all the time without making us feel good in return.

When you have a girl that seems too good to be true why must you try to find the imperfection?  Men are always presented with someone who could not be more right for their personality and situation, but the guys always still look for more.  Time and time again have I heard stories from my friends and experienced it myself;  when a good woman is handed to you on a silver platter do not try to find superwoman on a gold one because she doesn't exist and in turn you will end up with an empty platter....or a plate of bologna (how rewarding)....

When a woman's fed up there isn't anything you can do.  You may push certain girls to their limits and still have them at the end of the day, but that doesn't last forever.  All you're doing is pushing them into the arms of someone who will take the time to treat them right.  Ladies get worried that if they lose what they have they may not get another.  They don't have the courage to take a chance of the grass being greener on the other side, but men don't have the courage to settle when they already know it's a good thing.  Both will bite you in the ass.  In hopes of nobody ending up alone, let the games go.  Live it and love it.

It's The Little Things

They always say, "Live everyday as if it were your last."  So then we sit and think to ourselves; I have to go bungee jumping or skydiving, because it makes us think that we have to go do the unthinkable before our last day comes.   I try to take a step back and soak up the little things in life, which you may find to be far more rewarding.  The next time you are eating out at a restaurant taking a few moments flipping through the menu because you are so indecisive, consider the people who have nothing to eat and shamefully dig through your garbage just to survive.  Stepping into this mindset isn't meant to make you feel bad that you live better, but it will make you appreciate every tiny bite off of the fork in your hands. 

There was a period of about two months in my life when I woke up on a daily basis not knowing how I would eat.  Every single day.  But in these two months I had never been happier my entire life. I woke up feeling like a million dollars every morning because I was alive, excited what kind of people would cross my path, what adventures I'd find myself on, and thankful to be living in a beautiful place where everything was at my fingertips even if nothing was in my pockets.  That simplicity of life is the most rewarding feeling.  You get more out of life meeting somebody new in your day than making a dollar.

Regardless of bad circumstances, everybody can find something to be thankful for.  I have to stop myself most of the time and snap out of it because I whine and get upset when things don't go my way, but I wake up and open my eyes on a daily basis to another day in a world of endless opportunities.  The only thing that could get in my way of happiness or appreciating life, is death.  Tomorrow morning before you push yourself out of bed to begin another day, take a few seconds to smile and thank God that you woke up breathing.  I can assure you that just by doing that simple ritual every time you open your eyes from a restful night of sleep, the days will go by easier, the sun appears to be brighter and every meal tastes like the best meal you have ever had. 

What ever occurred in our lives to make us not appreciate the most important things?  Growing up when my dad would give me twenty dollars to go to the mall, I would not be satisfied until I could get thirty.  Why are things just never enough for us?  Before the world got caught up with money, cars, and having the newest Blackberry, people would look forward to going home and eating dinner with their families every night.  You have lost touch with the simplicity of life, we all have. 

We were not given this life to go out to dinners and nightclubs with superficial friends; think about the true meaning of what it is to be alive.  Surround yourself with real people, never take your life for granted, and when somebody tells you to live as if today was your last day...don't treat it like a last parade.  Take it back to the simple things. 

Answer the Phone

We have all heard it before from a friend, family member, boyfriend or girlfriend- "I will always be here for you, no matter what.  Call me at 4am and I will answer.  You can count on me."  Save it for a soap opera because none of you mean it. 

When they call you at 4am and you are so comfortable in bed wrapped up in your covers, the last thing you want to do is pick up and listen to them cry, bitch, or ask to come over and talk.  You were "so tired, completely knocked out, and didn't even hear your phone."  You have all done it, you are all guilty, and I am myself.  What really defines a good friend today?

I consider myself the best friend you will ever have or the worst enemy you could ever have; I leave the choice up to you.  Don't take advantage of somebody's kindness or willingness to help you out and they will continue to come back.  It's a give and take thing.  I'm not so sure why this is hard for everyone to understand because we learn in kindergarten how to share.  You can use my red crayon if you let me use your blue one- when things were so simple.

I know who I can trust with information, who I can call when I have hit rock bottom, and who always has my best interest at heart.  There is one person who will never let you down and can always control your happiness.  It's yourself.  Don't ever let your happiness, safety, dreams or life rest in someone else's hands.

When somebody looks me in the eyes and tells me "from the bottom of my heart, I truly care about you and I will be there for you beyond everybody else," I take the risk of believing them and giving a little bit of myself or I fake a smile, say thank you, and know that I could never call them.  Most of us swing one way or the other most of the time and then that one instance that you step out of your comfort zone to try the other strategy, you find yourself fooled.  Then we all shake our heads and say I never should have taken the chance, I never should have trusted them, I'm going back to how I always am. 

The best part that always makes me laugh is when they come to you on a day when it's pouring rain and they have a flat tire on the side of 95- suck it.  

If you're going to be there for somebody, and I mean truly be there- than when they call at 4am and you just want to ignore the ringing on your cell phone to continue your slumber; answer.

Try the Walk on Broken Glass

The vulnerability and risk in living a free life on a daily basis forces you to take the bad with the good.  Through the many days that you wake up happier than ever, there are always some mornings where you wish you could squeeze your eyelids shut so tight and disappear to a different world leaving every problem, headache, regret and worry behind you.  The restrictions and boundaries of life force us to live as every other person in our surrounding world, which is why I always choose to take the road less traveled.     

What are you going to do when you graduate high school?  Give away the next four years of your life to college because that's what you're supposed to do.  What are you going to need by the age of thirty-five?  A marriage, children and house with blue shutters.  Why?  Because that's what everyone is supposed to do.  Make sure your bills are paid on time, work toward good credit, and never spend money on senseless items you "want" instead of need.  I feel sorry for you people because you are out of your minds....actually you aren't, but you need to be.  For living in such a "free" world we are constantly pressured or subconciously restricted to our ways of living, and those who dare to be different are either irresponsible or simply nuts.

Life is supposed to be something exciting; everyday is a new day.  Take some risks, surprise people by your actions and never live two days the same.  You're wasting the oxygen in my world by working the 9-5 Monday through Friday, never eating out, and doing housework every Sunday.  Those people, my friends, are nuts. 

I have found that taking the less traveled path is usually done barefoot on gravel and broken glass instead of walking on a plush carpet, but I still don't wish to choose the comfortable way.  Give me a box of bandaids for all of the cuts because even though I will have the scars years down the road, the bandaid makes it feel better right now.  Some say I am too young to understand the real world, but I think I'm the only one who see's it for what it really is.  When the time comes that I my life is two days identical, that will be my cue to squeeze my eyes shut- as tightly as possible and hope that when they open I am in a different life.   

Live it and love it.